In a large multinational company..............
A fire alarm rang at 4 PM in a large office when almost all employees were in office (approx 5000). As usual the entire office was evacuated within 3 mins & all employees gathered outside the office in the designated area waiting for further announcement.
The Security Officer in charge made the following announcement: "Dear employees - with sincere regret I have been asked to announce that for many of you it will be your last evacuation drill. Due to the recession the company is laying off almost 50% of its employees. So when this announcement finishes, I ask all of you to move back into the building and if your swipe card does not work then it means you have been laid off in which case you will not be allowed inside and all your belongings will be couriered to you by tomorrow.
The Company has used this innovative approach as we didn't want to fill up the email box with lay-off mails and good bye mails in the thousands & also to avoid any fights inside the office and the consequent security issue for all staff.
Hope you have had a rewarding career with us and all the best ahead.
Please move back in & try your luck".
Showing posts with label Points to Ponder. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Points to Ponder. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Dear Diary...
Sometimes in life one tends to wonder about the people around and how they affect each other...
When I prayed hard for a miracle to happen and help me make my dreams come true, GOD answered it graciously with a good Samaritan. For that I was extremely grateful for HIM listening to this little child of HIS and looking out for me all this time.
But there are also times when I tend to wonder if asking a simple question to something that was not confirmed with a reply to be sarcastically shot down...bad???
Did I do something wrong?
Did I offend anyone?
Was I to assume that all will be done?
Was I to assume that my note was received?
Who is to blame? ME???
Does accepting assistance from someone mean that you owe them your entire life and the universal space and existence you breathe and live in??
It makes me wonder whether I should have accepted in the first place....
Deep down inside I don't really regret my decision for accepting for I would have never come this far but the small gnawing at the bottom of my gut says that sometimes some form of assistance doesn't come free without pain, suffering and sarcasm...
When I prayed hard for a miracle to happen and help me make my dreams come true, GOD answered it graciously with a good Samaritan. For that I was extremely grateful for HIM listening to this little child of HIS and looking out for me all this time.
But there are also times when I tend to wonder if asking a simple question to something that was not confirmed with a reply to be sarcastically shot down...bad???
Did I do something wrong?
Did I offend anyone?
Was I to assume that all will be done?
Was I to assume that my note was received?
Who is to blame? ME???
Does accepting assistance from someone mean that you owe them your entire life and the universal space and existence you breathe and live in??
It makes me wonder whether I should have accepted in the first place....
Deep down inside I don't really regret my decision for accepting for I would have never come this far but the small gnawing at the bottom of my gut says that sometimes some form of assistance doesn't come free without pain, suffering and sarcasm...
Monday, June 2, 2008
Slow Down Culture
An interesting reflection sent by a friend...
It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any projects here takes 2 years to be finalised, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.
Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.
Said in other words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux are some of its renowned companies.
5. Volvo supplies NASA.
The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot". To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closed to the door don't you think?". Imagine my face...
Nowadays, there is a movement in Europe named Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family and friends without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe as mentioned by Business Week.
Basically the movement questions the sense of hurry and craziness generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of having in quantity (life status) versus having with quality, life quality or the quality of being. French people, even though they work 35 hours per week are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour work weeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US attention, pupils of the fast and the do it now!
This no rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means re-establishing family values, friends, fee and leisure time. Taking the now present and concrete versus the global undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans essential values the simplicity of living.
It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality of products and services without losing the essence of spirit.
In the movie Scent of a Woman, there is a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "a Life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.
Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".
It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any projects here takes 2 years to be finalised, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.
Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.
Said in other words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux are some of its renowned companies.
5. Volvo supplies NASA.
The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot". To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closed to the door don't you think?". Imagine my face...
Nowadays, there is a movement in Europe named Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family and friends without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe as mentioned by Business Week.
Basically the movement questions the sense of hurry and craziness generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of having in quantity (life status) versus having with quality, life quality or the quality of being. French people, even though they work 35 hours per week are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour work weeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%. This slow attitude has brought forth the US attention, pupils of the fast and the do it now!
This no rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means re-establishing family values, friends, fee and leisure time. Taking the now present and concrete versus the global undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans essential values the simplicity of living.
It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality of products and services without losing the essence of spirit.
In the movie Scent of a Woman, there is a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "a Life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.
Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".
Friday, May 30, 2008
Men are Just Happier People
Nicknames
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-Eyes.
Eating Out
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20 even though the total is only for $32.50... None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but is on sale.
Bathrooms
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 200 of these items.
Arguments
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Cats
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Future
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does.
Dressing Up
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Offspring
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the Day
A married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-Eyes.
Eating Out
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20 even though the total is only for $32.50... None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
Money
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but is on sale.
Bathrooms
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 200 of these items.
Arguments
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Cats
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Future
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does.
Dressing Up
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Natural
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Offspring
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
Thought for the Day
A married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Lessons in Logic
If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
it's your stupidity.
~~~~~
I was born intelligent - education ruined me.
~~~~~
Practise makes perfect... But nobody's perfect so why practise?
~~~~~
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
~~~~~
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak...
~~~~~
How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
~~~~~
Money is not everything... there's Mastercard & Visa!
~~~~~
One should love animals... they are so tasty!
~~~~~
Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two women.
~~~~~
Every man should marry, after all happiness is not the only thing in life.
~~~~~
The wise never marry...and when they marry they become otherwise.
~~~~~
Success is a relative term, it brings so many relatives.
~~~~~
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.
~~~~~
Your future depends on your dreams - So go to Sleep!
~~~~~
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.
~~~~~
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the risk?
~~~~~
'Work fascinates me' - I can look at it for hours!
~~~~~
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends!
~~~~~
The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget.
The more you forget, the less you know,
The less you know, the less you forget.
So... why learn?? ;)
~~~~~
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk I have a work station...What more can I say?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Kalau Tak Suka Pulangkan (If You Don't Like It, Return It)
Here is a short story in Bahasa Melayu that a friend of mine sent to me. It describes about life and appreciating what you have around you and not taking things for granted....
Kereta dihentikan betul-betul di hadapan rumah. Pintu pagar automatiknya terbuka. Perlahan kereta dihalakan ke dalam garaj. "Horey! Papa balik!" Kelihatan anak-anaknya berlari mengiringi keretanya.
"Tepi! Bahaya tau tak?" Jeritnya.
Anak-anak termanggu. Cahaya kegembiraan di wajah mereka pudar.
"Aimin bawa adik ke belakang." Arahnya pada anak yang sulong.
Pulangnya petang itu disambut dingin oleh anak-anak. Isterinya turut terdiam bila mendengar anak-anak mengadu tentang papa mereka.
"Papa penat. Aimin bawa adik mandi dulu. Mama siapkan minum petang. Lepas minum papa mesti nak main bola dengan kita," pujuk Laila.
Dia yang mendengar di ruang tamu hanya mendengus. Seketika kemudian terdengar hilai tawa anak-anaknya di bilik mandi. Dia bangun.
"Hah! Main air. Bil bulan ini papa kena bayar dekat seratus. Cepat! Tutup paip tu! Buka shower!" Sergahnya. Suara yang bergema mematikan tawa anak-anaknya. "Asal saya balik rumah mesti bersepah. Kain baju berselerak. Apa awak makan tidur aje ke duduk rumah?" sambungnya kembali bila isterinya terpacul di belakang pintu.
"Anak-anak pa. Diorang yang main tu. Takpe nanti mama kemas. Papa minum ye. Mama dah siapkan kat taman." Balas isterinya lembut.
"Fail saya kat depan tu mana?"
"Mama letak dalam bilik. Takut budak-budak alihkan."
"Boleh tak awak jangan usik barang-barang saya? Susah tau tak? Fail tu patutnya saya bawa meeting tengahari tadi." Rungutnya sekalipun di hati kecil mengakui kebenaran kata-kata isterinya itu.
Suasana sepi kembali. Dia menarik nafas berat. Terasa begitu jauh berbeza. Dia tercari-cari riuh suara anak-anak dan wajah isterinya. "Laila" Keluhnya Akhirnya dia terlena di sofa.
"Saya nak ke out station minggu depan."
"Lama?" Soal Laila.
"Dalam seminggu."
"Cuti sekolah pun lama. Mama ikut boleh?"
"Budak-budak? "
"Ikut jugalah."
"Dah! Takde! Takde! Susah nanti. Macam-macam diorang buat kat sana . Tengok masa kat Legacy dulu tu&"
"Masa tu Amirul kecik lagi." Balas Laila. Wajahnya sayu. Dia masih berusaha memujuk biarpun dia tahu suaminya tak mungkin berganjak dari keputusan yang dibuat. Tak mungkin peristiwa Amirul terpecahkan pinggan di hotel dulu berulang. Anak itu masih kecil benar sewaktu ia berlaku. Lagipun apa sangatlah harganya pinggan itu malahan pihak hotel pun tak minta ganti rugi. " Bolehlah Pa ! Lama sangat kita tak ke mana-mana." "Nak jalan sangat Sabtu ni saya hantar awak balik kampung," Muktamad! Demikianlah seperti kata-katanya. Anak-anak dan isterinya dihantar ke kampung. Laila tak merungut apa-apa meskipun dia tahu isterinya berkecil hati. Anak-anak terlompat riang sebaik kereta berhenti di pengkarangan rumah nenek mereka. Tak sampai setengah jam dia telah bergegas semula untuk pulang. Bapa mertuanya membekalkan sebuah kitab lama.
"Cuba-cubalah baca. Kitab tu pun abah ambil dari masjid. Dari mereka bakar abah ambik bagi kamu!"
"Manalah saya ada masa.." "Takpe..pegang dulu. Kalau tak suka pulangkan balik !" Dia tersentak dari khayalannya. " Kalau tak suka pulangkan balik! " Kata-kata itu bergema di fikirannya. Dia rasa tersindir. Tahukah bapa mertuanya masalah yang melanda rumahtangganya itu? Bukan..bukan tak suka malah dia tetap sayang sekalipun Laila bukan pilihannya. Dunia akhirat Laila adalah isterinya. Cuma..
"Mizi, makan!" Panggil ibunya yang datang menemaninya sejak seminggu lalu. "Jangan ikutkan hati. Yang sudah tu sudahlah."
"Papa! Makan!" Jerit Aiman ,anak keduanya sambil tersengih-sengih mendapatkan dirinya. "Tak boleh panggil papa elok-elok. Ingat papa ni pekak ke?"
Aiman menggaru kepalanya yang tak gatal. Pelik! Kenapa papanya tiba-tiba saja marah. Dia berpatah semula ke dapur.
"Awak masak apa?"
"Mama masak sup tulang dengan sambal udang!" jawab Amirul memotong sebelum sempat mamanya membuka mulut.
"Takde benda lain ke awak boleh masak? Dah saya tak nak makan. Hilang selera!"
"Papa nak ke mana?" Soal isterinya perlahan.
"Keluar!"
"Mama dah masak Pa!"
"Awak saja makan!"
"Takpe Aiman boleh habiskan. Cepatlah ma!"
Laila tahu Aiman hanya memujuk. Anak keduanya itu sudah pandai mengambil hatinya. Aimin tersandar di kerusi makan. Sekadar memerhati langkah papanya keluar dari ruang makan. "Kenapa sekarang ni papa selalu marah-marah ma?" Soal Aimin sambil menarik pinggannya yang telah berisi nasi. "Papa banyak kerja agaknya. Dah! Makan." "Abang tak suka tengok papa marah-marah. ." "Adik pun sama. Bila papa marah muka dia macam gorilla kan ?"
Kata-kata Aiman disambut tawa oleh abang-abangnya yang lain. Laila menjeling. Di hati kecilnya turut terguris Besar sangatkah dosanya hingga menjamah nasi pun tidak. Kalau ada pun salahnya, apa?
Syamizi menjengah ke ruang dapur. Kosong.
"Laila.." serunya
"Sudahlah tu Mizi! Jangan diingat-ingat. Kerja Tuhan ni tak dapat kita tolak-tolak. Bawak-bawaklah beristighfar. Kalau terus macam ni sakit kau nanti." Kata ibunya yang muncul tiba-tiba.
"Sunyi pulak rumah ni mak,"
"Lama-lama kau biasalah."
Airmatanya menitis laju. "Kalau tak suka pulangkan!" Dia rasa terhukum. Hampir segenap saat kata-kata itu bergema di sekitarnya. Dia rasa terluka. Kehilangan yang amat sangat.
"Papa beli apa untuk Aiman?" Soal Aiman sebaik dia pulang dari outstationnya.
"Beli apa pulak? Barang permainan kan bersepah dalam bilik belakang tu."
"Tak ada lah?"
"Ingat papa ni cop duit?"
Aiman termangu. Dia berlalu mencari mamanya di dapur. Seketika kemudian rumah kembali riuh dengan telatah anak-anak lelakinya yang bertiga itu mengiringi mama mereka yang sedang menatang dulang berisi hidangan minum petang.
Wajah Laila direnungnya. Ada kelainan pada raut itu. Riaknya tenang tapi ada sesuatu yang sukar ditafsirkannya. "Awak tak sihat ke?"
Laila tersenyum. Tangannya pantas menuang air ke cawan.
"Papa, tak lama lagi abang dapat adik lagi." Aimin mencelah di antara perbualan kedua ibu bapanya.
Shamizi tersenyum. Jemari isterinya digenggam erat. Tiba-tiba cawan berisi kopi yang masih panas terjatuh dan pecah di lantai. Aiman tercegat.
"Tengok! Ada saja yang kamu buat. Cuba duduk baik-baik. Kalau air tu tak tumpah tak sah!" Tempiknya membuatkan anak itu tertunduk ketakutan. Baju mamanya dipegang kejap.
Lengan Aiman dipegangnya kuat hingga anak kecil itu mula menangis. Pantas saja akhbar di tangannya hinggap ke kepala anaknya itu. Laila cuba menghalang tapi dia pantas dulu menolak isterinya ke tepi. Aiman di pukul lagi. Amirul menangis. Aimin mendapatkan mamanya.
"Perangai macam beruk! Tak pernah buat orang senang!"
Laila bangun dari jatuhnya dan menarik lembut Aiman ke dalam pelukkannya. Airmata mereka bersatu. Pilu sungguh hatinya melihat kekasaran suaminya terhadap anak-anak.
"Cukuplah pa. Papa dah hukum pun dia tapi janganlah sebut yang bukan-bukan. " Ujar Laila perlahan.
"Macamana awak didik budak-budak sampai macam ni teruk perangainya? Tengok anak orang lain ada macam ni? Anak kak Long tu tak pulak macam ni. Panjat sana , kecah barang. Gila apa?" Omelnya kembali.
Shamizi meraut wajah. Bukan kepalang salahnya pada Aiman. Padanya anak itu tak pernah dapat memuaskan hatinya. Ada saja salah Aiman di matanya. Ada saja yang kurang di hatinya terhadap anak-anak dan isteri. Tak cukup dengan perbuatan malah dia begitu mudah melemparkan kata-kata yang bukan-bukan terhadap mereka.
"Tak boleh ke kamu semua senyap? Dalam sehari ni boleh tak diam? Rimas betul duduk dalam rumah ni." Laila menyuruh anak-anaknya bermain di halaman belakang rumah. Memberi sedikit ruang buat suaminya menonton dengan tenang. Malangnya tak lama kemudian kedengaran bunyi tingkap kaca pecah. "Celaka betul!" Sumpahnya sambil menghempaskan akhbar ke meja. "Abang!" "Baik awak tengok anak-anak awak tu sebelum saya hambat dengan rotan! Perangai satu-satu macam tak siuman!" Getusnya kasar. Akhirnya tingkap yang pecah kembali diganti. Cerita sumpah seranahnya petang itu hilang begitu saja. Laila berubah. Sikapnya yang pendiam menjadi semakin pendiam. Anak-anak juga sedikit menjauh. Tak ada lagi cerita Amirul di tadika. Tak ada lagi kisah Aimin yang cemerlang di dalam sukan sekolahnya. Aiman juga tak lagi mahu memanggilnya makan.
Shamizi terasa puas hati. Barangkali itu saja caranya untuk memberi sedikit pengajaran pada anak-anak.
"Pak Ngah, Eddie nak balik!" Shamizi terpana. Dia mengangguk. "Kak Long balik dulu Mizi. Sudahlah! Kamu muda lagi. Cari pengganti." Alangkah mudahnya. Kalaulah dia boleh bertemu lagi yang serupa seperti Laila. Laila tak ada yang kurang Cuma dia yang tak pernah puas hati. Laila tak pernah merungut. Laila tak pernah membantah. Sepanjang usia perkahwinan mereka Laila tak pernah meminta lebih dari apa yang dia beri. Laila cuma dapat gred B walaupun dia teramat layak untuk mendapat gred yang lebih baik dari A. "Laila"
"Papa nak ke mana hensem-hensem gini?" Dia tersenyum sambil menjeling ke cermin meninjau bayang isterinya yang kian sarat. "Wangi-wangi lagi. Dating ye?"
"Saya ada makan malam di rumah bos besar. Dia buat makan-makan untuk staff." Ujarnya masih leka membetulkan kolar kemeja batiknya.
"Ikut boleh?"
"Dia tak ajak family. Staff only!" Terangnya sedangkan difikirannya terfikir lain. Kali ni dia akan pergi ke jamuan tu dengan Helmi. Helmi akan turut menumpangkan Maria dan Harlina. Staff yang masih muda dan bujang. "Dalam setahun papa selalu ke jamuan office tapi tak pernah pun bawak kami."
"Leceh kalau ada budak-budak. Bukan tau duduk diam Lari sana sini, panjat itu ini. "
"Papa pesanlah.."
"Nantilah besar sikit." Dalihnya.
"Kalau tunggu besar takut takde peluang. Nanti diorang tu dah tak nak ikut pergi mana pun."
"Lagi senang. Saya kalau lasak-lasak ni buat hati panas je,"
Laila terdiam. "Namanya budak-budak. Anak-anak papa tu lelaki.""Saya pergi kejap je. Lepas tu terus balik." "Mama tanya sikit boleh?" Dia mengangguk "Bos tak pelawa atau papa malu nak bawa mama dan anak-anak?"
Mereka dia tinggalkan di rumah. Di jamuan tu ramai staff yang membawa keluarga mereka bersama. Pada Shamizi dia mahukan keselesaan sedangkan hakikatnya anak-anak staff yang lain lebih lasak dan nakal. Semeja hidangan untuk anak-anak staff berderai bila ada yang bermain tarik-tarik alas kainnya.
"Never mind. Budak-budak memang macam tu. Kalau tak lasak tak cerdik," ujar Mr. Kwai, tuan rumah.
Shamizi sedikit mengakui kebenaran kata-kata itu. Anak-anaknya pun nakal tapi amat membanggakan dalam pelajaran. Namun dia rasa serba tak kena bila bersama mereka. Bimbang ada yang menyata yang bukan-bukan tentang anak-anaknya yang lasak apatah lagi tentang isterinya Laila. Bimbang dimalukan dengan perangai anak-anaknya. Bimbang jika dikatakan Laila tidak sepadan dengan dirinya. Dia lulusan luar negara sedang Laila cuma perempuan kampung. Tak pandai bergaya seperti staff wanita yang lain. Betullah jangkaan Laila, dia malu untuk memperkenalkan isteri dan anak-anaknya pada rakan-rakan.
"Kalau tak suka pulangkan! " Kata-kata itu semakin keras di fikirannya. Pagi itu anak-anak sekali lagi dimaki sebelum ke sekolah. Semata-mata bila Aimin dan Aiman bergelut berebutkan tempat duduk di meja makan menyebabkan air cuci tangan tumpah ke meja. Berangnya tiba-tiba menguasai diri. Kepala kedua-duanya di lagakan sedangkan perebutan itu tidak pula disusuli dengan perkelahian. "Kamu semua ni..kalau macam ni daripada ada elok tak ada. Menyusahkan! " Laila merenungnya dalam.. Matanya berkaca dan anak-anak ke sekolah tanpa menyalaminya seperti selalu. Laila juga tidak berkata apa-apa sebelum menghidupkan enjin untuk menghantar anak-anak ke sekolah. Shamizi dapat melihat Laila mengesat airmatanya. Dia terus menghadapi sarapannya. Sejenak dia terpandang hidangan untuk anak-anak yang tak bersentuh. Susu masih penuh di cawan. Roti telur yang menjadi kesukaan anak-anak juga tidak dijamah. Bekal di dalam bekas tidak diambil. Pelik! Selama ini Laila tak pernah lupa.. " Kalau tak suka pulangkan,"
Kali ini dia benar-benar menangis. Laila dan anak-anak terus tak pulang selepas pagi itu. Hari-harinya tak lagi diganggu dengan gelagat anak-anak. Rumah terus sunyi dan sepi. Tetap dia tak dapat tidur dengan lena. Di halaman belakang hanya ada kenangan. Kelibat anak-anaknya bergumpal dan berlari mengejar bola tak lagi kelihatan. Riuh anak-anak bila mandi di bilik air juga tidak lagi kedengaran. Dia mula dihambat rindu. Hanya ada kesunyian di mana-mana. Hanya tinggal bola yang terselit di rumpun bunga.
Selaut rindu mula menghambat pantai hatinya. Laila.
Benarlah, kita hanya tahu harganya bila kita kehilangannya.
Laila terus tak pulang sekalipun dia berjanji untuk berubah. Laila pergi membawa anak-anaknya pagi itu bila kereta mereka dirempuh sebuah kereta lain yang dipandu laju. Laila pergi tanpa meninggalkan satu pun untuknya. Laila pergi membawa Aimin, Aiman, Amirul dan zuriat yang bakal dilahirkan dua bulan lagi..
Dia menangis semahu-mahunya bila menatap wajah lesi anak-anak dan isterinya. Dia meraung memeluk tubuh Laila yang berlumuran darah. Hakikatnya Laila adalah kitab lama itu, lapuk bagaimana pun dipandangan harganya tak terbanding, dan kerana keengganannya Laila dipulangkan.....
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Kereta dihentikan betul-betul di hadapan rumah. Pintu pagar automatiknya terbuka. Perlahan kereta dihalakan ke dalam garaj. "Horey! Papa balik!" Kelihatan anak-anaknya berlari mengiringi keretanya.
"Tepi! Bahaya tau tak?" Jeritnya.
Anak-anak termanggu. Cahaya kegembiraan di wajah mereka pudar.
"Aimin bawa adik ke belakang." Arahnya pada anak yang sulong.
Pulangnya petang itu disambut dingin oleh anak-anak. Isterinya turut terdiam bila mendengar anak-anak mengadu tentang papa mereka.
"Papa penat. Aimin bawa adik mandi dulu. Mama siapkan minum petang. Lepas minum papa mesti nak main bola dengan kita," pujuk Laila.
Dia yang mendengar di ruang tamu hanya mendengus. Seketika kemudian terdengar hilai tawa anak-anaknya di bilik mandi. Dia bangun.
"Hah! Main air. Bil bulan ini papa kena bayar dekat seratus. Cepat! Tutup paip tu! Buka shower!" Sergahnya. Suara yang bergema mematikan tawa anak-anaknya. "Asal saya balik rumah mesti bersepah. Kain baju berselerak. Apa awak makan tidur aje ke duduk rumah?" sambungnya kembali bila isterinya terpacul di belakang pintu.
"Anak-anak pa. Diorang yang main tu. Takpe nanti mama kemas. Papa minum ye. Mama dah siapkan kat taman." Balas isterinya lembut.
"Fail saya kat depan tu mana?"
"Mama letak dalam bilik. Takut budak-budak alihkan."
"Boleh tak awak jangan usik barang-barang saya? Susah tau tak? Fail tu patutnya saya bawa meeting tengahari tadi." Rungutnya sekalipun di hati kecil mengakui kebenaran kata-kata isterinya itu.
Suasana sepi kembali. Dia menarik nafas berat. Terasa begitu jauh berbeza. Dia tercari-cari riuh suara anak-anak dan wajah isterinya. "Laila" Keluhnya Akhirnya dia terlena di sofa.
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"Saya nak ke out station minggu depan."
"Lama?" Soal Laila.
"Dalam seminggu."
"Cuti sekolah pun lama. Mama ikut boleh?"
"Budak-budak? "
"Ikut jugalah."
"Dah! Takde! Takde! Susah nanti. Macam-macam diorang buat kat sana . Tengok masa kat Legacy dulu tu&"
"Masa tu Amirul kecik lagi." Balas Laila. Wajahnya sayu. Dia masih berusaha memujuk biarpun dia tahu suaminya tak mungkin berganjak dari keputusan yang dibuat. Tak mungkin peristiwa Amirul terpecahkan pinggan di hotel dulu berulang. Anak itu masih kecil benar sewaktu ia berlaku. Lagipun apa sangatlah harganya pinggan itu malahan pihak hotel pun tak minta ganti rugi. " Bolehlah Pa ! Lama sangat kita tak ke mana-mana." "Nak jalan sangat Sabtu ni saya hantar awak balik kampung," Muktamad! Demikianlah seperti kata-katanya. Anak-anak dan isterinya dihantar ke kampung. Laila tak merungut apa-apa meskipun dia tahu isterinya berkecil hati. Anak-anak terlompat riang sebaik kereta berhenti di pengkarangan rumah nenek mereka. Tak sampai setengah jam dia telah bergegas semula untuk pulang. Bapa mertuanya membekalkan sebuah kitab lama.
"Cuba-cubalah baca. Kitab tu pun abah ambil dari masjid. Dari mereka bakar abah ambik bagi kamu!"
"Manalah saya ada masa.." "Takpe..pegang dulu. Kalau tak suka pulangkan balik !" Dia tersentak dari khayalannya. " Kalau tak suka pulangkan balik! " Kata-kata itu bergema di fikirannya. Dia rasa tersindir. Tahukah bapa mertuanya masalah yang melanda rumahtangganya itu? Bukan..bukan tak suka malah dia tetap sayang sekalipun Laila bukan pilihannya. Dunia akhirat Laila adalah isterinya. Cuma..
"Mizi, makan!" Panggil ibunya yang datang menemaninya sejak seminggu lalu. "Jangan ikutkan hati. Yang sudah tu sudahlah."
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"Papa! Makan!" Jerit Aiman ,anak keduanya sambil tersengih-sengih mendapatkan dirinya. "Tak boleh panggil papa elok-elok. Ingat papa ni pekak ke?"
Aiman menggaru kepalanya yang tak gatal. Pelik! Kenapa papanya tiba-tiba saja marah. Dia berpatah semula ke dapur.
"Awak masak apa?"
"Mama masak sup tulang dengan sambal udang!" jawab Amirul memotong sebelum sempat mamanya membuka mulut.
"Takde benda lain ke awak boleh masak? Dah saya tak nak makan. Hilang selera!"
"Papa nak ke mana?" Soal isterinya perlahan.
"Keluar!"
"Mama dah masak Pa!"
"Awak saja makan!"
"Takpe Aiman boleh habiskan. Cepatlah ma!"
Laila tahu Aiman hanya memujuk. Anak keduanya itu sudah pandai mengambil hatinya. Aimin tersandar di kerusi makan. Sekadar memerhati langkah papanya keluar dari ruang makan. "Kenapa sekarang ni papa selalu marah-marah ma?" Soal Aimin sambil menarik pinggannya yang telah berisi nasi. "Papa banyak kerja agaknya. Dah! Makan." "Abang tak suka tengok papa marah-marah. ." "Adik pun sama. Bila papa marah muka dia macam gorilla kan ?"
Kata-kata Aiman disambut tawa oleh abang-abangnya yang lain. Laila menjeling. Di hati kecilnya turut terguris Besar sangatkah dosanya hingga menjamah nasi pun tidak. Kalau ada pun salahnya, apa?
Syamizi menjengah ke ruang dapur. Kosong.
"Laila.." serunya
"Sudahlah tu Mizi! Jangan diingat-ingat. Kerja Tuhan ni tak dapat kita tolak-tolak. Bawak-bawaklah beristighfar. Kalau terus macam ni sakit kau nanti." Kata ibunya yang muncul tiba-tiba.
"Sunyi pulak rumah ni mak,"
"Lama-lama kau biasalah."
Airmatanya menitis laju. "Kalau tak suka pulangkan!" Dia rasa terhukum. Hampir segenap saat kata-kata itu bergema di sekitarnya. Dia rasa terluka. Kehilangan yang amat sangat.
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"Papa beli apa untuk Aiman?" Soal Aiman sebaik dia pulang dari outstationnya.
"Beli apa pulak? Barang permainan kan bersepah dalam bilik belakang tu."
"Tak ada lah?"
"Ingat papa ni cop duit?"
Aiman termangu. Dia berlalu mencari mamanya di dapur. Seketika kemudian rumah kembali riuh dengan telatah anak-anak lelakinya yang bertiga itu mengiringi mama mereka yang sedang menatang dulang berisi hidangan minum petang.
Wajah Laila direnungnya. Ada kelainan pada raut itu. Riaknya tenang tapi ada sesuatu yang sukar ditafsirkannya. "Awak tak sihat ke?"
Laila tersenyum. Tangannya pantas menuang air ke cawan.
"Papa, tak lama lagi abang dapat adik lagi." Aimin mencelah di antara perbualan kedua ibu bapanya.
Shamizi tersenyum. Jemari isterinya digenggam erat. Tiba-tiba cawan berisi kopi yang masih panas terjatuh dan pecah di lantai. Aiman tercegat.
"Tengok! Ada saja yang kamu buat. Cuba duduk baik-baik. Kalau air tu tak tumpah tak sah!" Tempiknya membuatkan anak itu tertunduk ketakutan. Baju mamanya dipegang kejap.
Lengan Aiman dipegangnya kuat hingga anak kecil itu mula menangis. Pantas saja akhbar di tangannya hinggap ke kepala anaknya itu. Laila cuba menghalang tapi dia pantas dulu menolak isterinya ke tepi. Aiman di pukul lagi. Amirul menangis. Aimin mendapatkan mamanya.
"Perangai macam beruk! Tak pernah buat orang senang!"
Laila bangun dari jatuhnya dan menarik lembut Aiman ke dalam pelukkannya. Airmata mereka bersatu. Pilu sungguh hatinya melihat kekasaran suaminya terhadap anak-anak.
"Cukuplah pa. Papa dah hukum pun dia tapi janganlah sebut yang bukan-bukan. " Ujar Laila perlahan.
"Macamana awak didik budak-budak sampai macam ni teruk perangainya? Tengok anak orang lain ada macam ni? Anak kak Long tu tak pulak macam ni. Panjat sana , kecah barang. Gila apa?" Omelnya kembali.
Shamizi meraut wajah. Bukan kepalang salahnya pada Aiman. Padanya anak itu tak pernah dapat memuaskan hatinya. Ada saja salah Aiman di matanya. Ada saja yang kurang di hatinya terhadap anak-anak dan isteri. Tak cukup dengan perbuatan malah dia begitu mudah melemparkan kata-kata yang bukan-bukan terhadap mereka.
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"Tak boleh ke kamu semua senyap? Dalam sehari ni boleh tak diam? Rimas betul duduk dalam rumah ni." Laila menyuruh anak-anaknya bermain di halaman belakang rumah. Memberi sedikit ruang buat suaminya menonton dengan tenang. Malangnya tak lama kemudian kedengaran bunyi tingkap kaca pecah. "Celaka betul!" Sumpahnya sambil menghempaskan akhbar ke meja. "Abang!" "Baik awak tengok anak-anak awak tu sebelum saya hambat dengan rotan! Perangai satu-satu macam tak siuman!" Getusnya kasar. Akhirnya tingkap yang pecah kembali diganti. Cerita sumpah seranahnya petang itu hilang begitu saja. Laila berubah. Sikapnya yang pendiam menjadi semakin pendiam. Anak-anak juga sedikit menjauh. Tak ada lagi cerita Amirul di tadika. Tak ada lagi kisah Aimin yang cemerlang di dalam sukan sekolahnya. Aiman juga tak lagi mahu memanggilnya makan.
Shamizi terasa puas hati. Barangkali itu saja caranya untuk memberi sedikit pengajaran pada anak-anak.
"Pak Ngah, Eddie nak balik!" Shamizi terpana. Dia mengangguk. "Kak Long balik dulu Mizi. Sudahlah! Kamu muda lagi. Cari pengganti." Alangkah mudahnya. Kalaulah dia boleh bertemu lagi yang serupa seperti Laila. Laila tak ada yang kurang Cuma dia yang tak pernah puas hati. Laila tak pernah merungut. Laila tak pernah membantah. Sepanjang usia perkahwinan mereka Laila tak pernah meminta lebih dari apa yang dia beri. Laila cuma dapat gred B walaupun dia teramat layak untuk mendapat gred yang lebih baik dari A. "Laila"
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"Papa nak ke mana hensem-hensem gini?" Dia tersenyum sambil menjeling ke cermin meninjau bayang isterinya yang kian sarat. "Wangi-wangi lagi. Dating ye?"
"Saya ada makan malam di rumah bos besar. Dia buat makan-makan untuk staff." Ujarnya masih leka membetulkan kolar kemeja batiknya.
"Ikut boleh?"
"Dia tak ajak family. Staff only!" Terangnya sedangkan difikirannya terfikir lain. Kali ni dia akan pergi ke jamuan tu dengan Helmi. Helmi akan turut menumpangkan Maria dan Harlina. Staff yang masih muda dan bujang. "Dalam setahun papa selalu ke jamuan office tapi tak pernah pun bawak kami."
"Leceh kalau ada budak-budak. Bukan tau duduk diam Lari sana sini, panjat itu ini. "
"Papa pesanlah.."
"Nantilah besar sikit." Dalihnya.
"Kalau tunggu besar takut takde peluang. Nanti diorang tu dah tak nak ikut pergi mana pun."
"Lagi senang. Saya kalau lasak-lasak ni buat hati panas je,"
Laila terdiam. "Namanya budak-budak. Anak-anak papa tu lelaki.""Saya pergi kejap je. Lepas tu terus balik." "Mama tanya sikit boleh?" Dia mengangguk "Bos tak pelawa atau papa malu nak bawa mama dan anak-anak?"
Mereka dia tinggalkan di rumah. Di jamuan tu ramai staff yang membawa keluarga mereka bersama. Pada Shamizi dia mahukan keselesaan sedangkan hakikatnya anak-anak staff yang lain lebih lasak dan nakal. Semeja hidangan untuk anak-anak staff berderai bila ada yang bermain tarik-tarik alas kainnya.
"Never mind. Budak-budak memang macam tu. Kalau tak lasak tak cerdik," ujar Mr. Kwai, tuan rumah.
Shamizi sedikit mengakui kebenaran kata-kata itu. Anak-anaknya pun nakal tapi amat membanggakan dalam pelajaran. Namun dia rasa serba tak kena bila bersama mereka. Bimbang ada yang menyata yang bukan-bukan tentang anak-anaknya yang lasak apatah lagi tentang isterinya Laila. Bimbang dimalukan dengan perangai anak-anaknya. Bimbang jika dikatakan Laila tidak sepadan dengan dirinya. Dia lulusan luar negara sedang Laila cuma perempuan kampung. Tak pandai bergaya seperti staff wanita yang lain. Betullah jangkaan Laila, dia malu untuk memperkenalkan isteri dan anak-anaknya pada rakan-rakan.
"Kalau tak suka pulangkan! " Kata-kata itu semakin keras di fikirannya. Pagi itu anak-anak sekali lagi dimaki sebelum ke sekolah. Semata-mata bila Aimin dan Aiman bergelut berebutkan tempat duduk di meja makan menyebabkan air cuci tangan tumpah ke meja. Berangnya tiba-tiba menguasai diri. Kepala kedua-duanya di lagakan sedangkan perebutan itu tidak pula disusuli dengan perkelahian. "Kamu semua ni..kalau macam ni daripada ada elok tak ada. Menyusahkan! " Laila merenungnya dalam.. Matanya berkaca dan anak-anak ke sekolah tanpa menyalaminya seperti selalu. Laila juga tidak berkata apa-apa sebelum menghidupkan enjin untuk menghantar anak-anak ke sekolah. Shamizi dapat melihat Laila mengesat airmatanya. Dia terus menghadapi sarapannya. Sejenak dia terpandang hidangan untuk anak-anak yang tak bersentuh. Susu masih penuh di cawan. Roti telur yang menjadi kesukaan anak-anak juga tidak dijamah. Bekal di dalam bekas tidak diambil. Pelik! Selama ini Laila tak pernah lupa.. " Kalau tak suka pulangkan,"
Kali ini dia benar-benar menangis. Laila dan anak-anak terus tak pulang selepas pagi itu. Hari-harinya tak lagi diganggu dengan gelagat anak-anak. Rumah terus sunyi dan sepi. Tetap dia tak dapat tidur dengan lena. Di halaman belakang hanya ada kenangan. Kelibat anak-anaknya bergumpal dan berlari mengejar bola tak lagi kelihatan. Riuh anak-anak bila mandi di bilik air juga tidak lagi kedengaran. Dia mula dihambat rindu. Hanya ada kesunyian di mana-mana. Hanya tinggal bola yang terselit di rumpun bunga.
Selaut rindu mula menghambat pantai hatinya. Laila.
Benarlah, kita hanya tahu harganya bila kita kehilangannya.
Laila terus tak pulang sekalipun dia berjanji untuk berubah. Laila pergi membawa anak-anaknya pagi itu bila kereta mereka dirempuh sebuah kereta lain yang dipandu laju. Laila pergi tanpa meninggalkan satu pun untuknya. Laila pergi membawa Aimin, Aiman, Amirul dan zuriat yang bakal dilahirkan dua bulan lagi..
Dia menangis semahu-mahunya bila menatap wajah lesi anak-anak dan isterinya. Dia meraung memeluk tubuh Laila yang berlumuran darah. Hakikatnya Laila adalah kitab lama itu, lapuk bagaimana pun dipandangan harganya tak terbanding, dan kerana keengganannya Laila dipulangkan.....
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Very True and Thought Provoking
One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big advise on the door on which it was written: "Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the room that has been prepared in the gym".
In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.
The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room.
The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up. Everyone thought, "Who is the guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!".
One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside they suddenly became speechless. they stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.
There was a mirror inside the coffin, everyone who looked inside it could see himself...
There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: "There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth - it is YOU.
You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself.
Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life.
"The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself."
Examine yourself, watch yourself. Don't be afraid of difficulties, impossibilities and losses... be a winner and build yourself and your reality. The world is like a mirror; it gives back to anyone the reflection of the thoughts in which one has strongly believed.
The world and your reality are like mirrors laying in a coffin which show to any individual the death of his divide capability to imagine and create his happiness and success.
It's the way you face life that makes the difference....
In the beginning, they all got sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.
The excitement in the gym was such that security agents were ordered to control the crowd within the room.
The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up. Everyone thought, "Who is the guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!".
One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside they suddenly became speechless. they stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.
There was a mirror inside the coffin, everyone who looked inside it could see himself...
There was also a sign next to the mirror that said: "There is only one person who is capable to set limits to your growth - it is YOU.
You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself.
Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life.
"The most important relationship you can have is the one you have with yourself."
Examine yourself, watch yourself. Don't be afraid of difficulties, impossibilities and losses... be a winner and build yourself and your reality. The world is like a mirror; it gives back to anyone the reflection of the thoughts in which one has strongly believed.
The world and your reality are like mirrors laying in a coffin which show to any individual the death of his divide capability to imagine and create his happiness and success.
It's the way you face life that makes the difference....
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Irish College Entrance Exam
Think about the answers my friend and let me know them.... will then tell you whether you passed or failed....
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Embarassing Medical Exams
Story 1
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!". I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs --- and I was in the wrong one.
(submitted by Dr.Mark MacDonald, San Francisco)
Story 2
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths", I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
(submitted by Dr Richard Byrnes, Seattle WA)
Story 3
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart".
(submitted by Dr.Susan Steinberg)
Story 4
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch...the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and not I'm running out of places to put it!". I had quickly undressed him and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying the new one.
(submitted by Dr.Rebecca St.Clair, Norfolk VA)
Story 5
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive."
(submitted by Dr.Steven Swanson-Corvallis OR)
Story 6
I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" " It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packed labeled "KY Jelly".
(submitted by Dr.Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit MI)
Story 7
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read "Keep of the Grass". Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing which said "Sorry had to mow the lawn"
(submitted by anonymous)
Story 8
As a new young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry, was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner'
(submitted by anonymous)
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!". I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs --- and I was in the wrong one.
(submitted by Dr.Mark MacDonald, San Francisco)
Story 2
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths", I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
(submitted by Dr Richard Byrnes, Seattle WA)
Story 3
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart".
(submitted by Dr.Susan Steinberg)
Story 4
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch...the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and not I'm running out of places to put it!". I had quickly undressed him and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying the new one.
(submitted by Dr.Rebecca St.Clair, Norfolk VA)
Story 5
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive."
(submitted by Dr.Steven Swanson-Corvallis OR)
Story 6
I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" " It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packed labeled "KY Jelly".
(submitted by Dr.Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit MI)
Story 7
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read "Keep of the Grass". Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing which said "Sorry had to mow the lawn"
(submitted by anonymous)
Story 8
As a new young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry, was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner'
(submitted by anonymous)
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Quotes for Deliberation
- Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock
- To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy
- The road to success?? Is always under construction..
- Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again neither does Milk
- In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it
- All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening
- Since light travels faster than sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak
- Everyone has a scheme of getting rich which never works
- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried
- You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side
- Anything droped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccesible corner
- As soon as you mention something; if it is good it is TAKEN, if it's bad it HAPPENS
- He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule
- If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late the bus is still late
- Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate
- When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions
- If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls
- If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance
- You will pick up the maximum wrong numbers when on roaming
- The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom
- After a long wait for bus #20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other
- If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight
- Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
Friday, March 14, 2008
The Invisible Letter
It starts in the heart....Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room.
She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?"
The surgeon said, "I'm sorry... We did all we could but your boy didn't make it."
Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care anymore? Where were you God when my son needed you?"
The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son before he is transported to the university? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes."
Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said goodbye to her son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair.
"Would you like a lock of his hair?", the nurse asked. Sally nodded... The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the university for study. He said it might help somebody else. I said no at first, but Jimmy said "Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his mom."
She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."
Sally walked out of the children's Mercy Hospital for the last time after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house.
She carried Jimmy's belongings and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cards and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them.
She laid down across his bed and hugging his pillow cried herself to sleep. It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter.
The letter said:
Dear Mom,
I know you're going to miss me but don't think that I will ever forget you or stop loving you just cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU.
I will always love you Mom even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with.
But if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like y'know. Don't be sad thinking about me. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything.
The angels are so cool! I love to watch them fly... And you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him like I was somebody important.
That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter to tell you goodbye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well y'know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you.
God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him - Where was He when I needed him?
God said He was in the same place with me as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there as He always is with all His children. Oh by the way Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool?
I have to give God back his pen now. He needs it to write some more names into the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone... I'm glad because I couldn't stand the pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much either.
That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was Special Delivery? How about that?!
Signed with love from:
God, Jesus and Me
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
To Laugh or Not to Laugh?
An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work , as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament :
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son....
Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son....
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Vinnie
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Saying Grace in a Restaurant..
Last week, I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "What's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!" Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"
As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" my son asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."
Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman.
With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."
Friday, February 29, 2008
The Chicken Story...
Ben was a coal miner that lived in Boone County, West Virginia and had two fine strapping young boys by the names of Cleve and William. Ben not only worked in the mines, he had a few chickens and grew a small garden each year.The boys weren’t too keen on working in the garden or taking care of the chickens, but they did what their father told them. William did all the chicken feeding and egg gathering until Cleve was responsible enough to take over gathering the eggs each day.
When it was time for Cleve to take over the job, Ben took his son out to the chicken coop to show him how delicately to raise the hens and take out the eggs that was underneath them. The hens laid one egg a day, but it was a chore just to retrieve the eggs regularly.
Cousin Neil came to visit the boys one summer with his father and stayed for about a month. Neil was a city boy and could tell some of the tallest tales that William and Cleve had ever heard. Whatever the coal camp boys had, Neil had more and better back in the city. Wherever William or Cleve had visited, Neil had already been there. Whatever the country lads had experienced or accomplished, Neil was already an expert on the subject.
Neil and Cleve were the same age and Neil followed his cousin around the whole time telling him all about the city. Neil didn’t like country life and couldn’t stop praising his own existence in “civilization” as he called the streets where he lived.
Neil’s father wanted him to learn dependability and responsibility and asked Cleve to show his cousin what good care he took of the chickens. Neil walked after the boy and talked and talked as Cleve did his chores in silence. First he fed the chickens by throwing cracked corn on the ground and then he cleaned the chicken coop. Last, it was time to gather the eggs. Cleve had about all he could take of his city slicker cousin and was a little annoyed by the time he was to gently raise the hens and get the eggs from underneath them.
When they entered the chicken coop, Neil was close at his cousin’s heels bragging as they walked. Cleve took one egg after another and put them carefully in the tightly woven straw basket. His cousin continued to boast how he didn’t have to do any kind of work where he lived. He bragged about how he just laid around, ate, slept, dated the prettiest girls, drove a fine car and on and on.
Cleve was fed up of his cousin. About that time, instead of lightly raising the hen to get the egg, he shoved the hen off her nesting box and the hen landed on its head on the concrete floor breaking its neck. The bird lay in the floor not moving. Neil immediately said, “There’s something wrong with that chicken.” Cleve could see for himself there was something not right with the hen. It seemed to be dead. He picked the chicken up and its head just flopped over to the side.
Cleve thought and said with dismay in his voice, “Oh my God, I have killed Daddy’s prized hen.” He was extremely worried. “What am I going to do?” he wondered out loud. Neil asked, “Is that chicken dead? Are you going to tell Uncle Ben?” Worry was written across Cleve’s face in capital letters. After a few moments, Cleve heard his father calling. What was he going to do? He didn’t have time to think and quickly shoved the hen under a wooden crate that set in the floor of the coop to decide later and went out to see what his dad wanted.
“Supper is ready, son. You and Neil come on in,” Ben said gleefully. Ben and his brother, George, sat on the front porch in rocking chairs. As soon as Neil saw his uncle, he shouted. “Hey Uncle Ben, Cleve just killed your prize hen!” A stern look crossed Ben’s face. Before Ben could open his mouth, George let out a big laugh. “Ben, you can’t believe a thing that boy says. Quit that lying Neil and get on in here and eat supper.” Neil looked at his father in wonder and said in a low voice, “Believe whatever you want, Dad.” Cleve was saved.
Later that night Cleve was feeling guilty and went to his father. He was almost in tears as he stood in front of his father with his hands in his pockets and his head hung low, “Dad, I did kill that hen,” he said quietly, “But it was an accident!” With a pleading expression in his eyes, he looked up at his tall foreboding father.
His dad touched his shoulder in a kind, loving way. He said, “Well son, you have had quiet a distraction these few weeks with your Cousin Neil’s fancy stories and we were going to kill a fine hen for Sunday’s supper anyway. You just made the choice for us.” The boy threw his arms around the lanky man and said, “I love you, Dad!” His father looked him in the eye and spoke very clearly, “Lying boys and cackling hens come to no good end."
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Men Never Listen....
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.A nurse noticed his predicament. "Sir", she said.. "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised no to touch! Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if the touched them?
He couldn't resist... he pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.
A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scrent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is a place of tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed it's course, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. As soon as he did, he was immediately knocked out by an excruciating pain.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. " The last thing I remembered was pushing the ATR button".
The nurse answered, " The ATR buttons stands for Automatic Tampon Remover. Your testicles are now in this jar, sir".
MEN NEVER LISTEN, DO THEY?
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
When God Created Fathers....
This piece is dedicated to Daniel my friend, colleague and upcoming expecting father-to-be!!!
Congratulations my friend.....
When God Created Fathers by: Erma Bombeck, Sunlight of the Spirit
When the good Lord was creating Fathers, he started with a tall frame. A female angel nearby said, "What kind of a Father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put the Father up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without stooping".
God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child size, who would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a Father's hands, they were large. The angel shook her head and said,"Large hands can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on pony tails, or even remove splinters caused from baseball bats."
Again God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets, yet small enough to cup a child's face in them."
Then God molded long slim legs and broad shoulders, "Do you realize you just made a Father without a lap?" The angel chuckled.
God said, "A Mother needs a lap. A Father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, to balance a boy on a bicycle, or to hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."
When God was in the middle of creating the biggest feet any one had ever seen, the angel could not contain herself any longer. "That's not fair. Do you honestly think those feet are going to get out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries, or walk through a birthday party without crushing one or two of the guests?"
God again smiled and said, "They will work. You will see. They will support a small child who wants to ride to Branbury Cross or scare mice away from a summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill." God worked throughout the night, giving the Father few words, but a firm authoritative voice; eyes that see everything, but remain calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an after thought, He added tears. Then he turned to the angel and said, "Now are you satisfied he can love as much as a Mother can?"
The angel said nothing more....
Congratulations my friend.....
When God Created Fathers by: Erma Bombeck, Sunlight of the Spirit
When the good Lord was creating Fathers, he started with a tall frame. A female angel nearby said, "What kind of a Father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put the Father up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without stooping".
God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child size, who would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a Father's hands, they were large. The angel shook her head and said,"Large hands can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on pony tails, or even remove splinters caused from baseball bats."
Again God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets, yet small enough to cup a child's face in them."
Then God molded long slim legs and broad shoulders, "Do you realize you just made a Father without a lap?" The angel chuckled.
God said, "A Mother needs a lap. A Father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, to balance a boy on a bicycle, or to hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."
When God was in the middle of creating the biggest feet any one had ever seen, the angel could not contain herself any longer. "That's not fair. Do you honestly think those feet are going to get out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries, or walk through a birthday party without crushing one or two of the guests?"
God again smiled and said, "They will work. You will see. They will support a small child who wants to ride to Branbury Cross or scare mice away from a summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill." God worked throughout the night, giving the Father few words, but a firm authoritative voice; eyes that see everything, but remain calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an after thought, He added tears. Then he turned to the angel and said, "Now are you satisfied he can love as much as a Mother can?"
The angel said nothing more....
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Friends....
Was scrolling thought the net reading and I found this litte piece that touched me. This short inspirational story is dedicated to all my friends; both virtually and all around me...thank you and love you guys loads!!
Friend And Acquaintance by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown
There is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a friend. An acquaintance is someone whose name you know, who you see every now and then, who you probably have something in common with and who you feel comfortable around.
It's a person that you can invite to your home and share things with. But they are people who you don't share your life with, whose actions sometimes you don't understand because you don't know enough about them.
On the other hand, a friend is someone you love. Not that you are "in love" with them, but you care about them and you think about them when they are not there. The people you are reminded of when you see something they might like, and you know this because you know them so well. They are the people whose pictures you have and whose faces are in your head regardless.
Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a friend doesn't need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen.
Friends are the people who won't laugh at you or hurt you, and if they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realize it.
Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They are the people that when you hug them, you don't think about how long to hug and who's going to be the first one to let go.
Maybe they are the people that hold the rings at your wedding, or maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding, or maybe they are the people you marry. Maybe they are the people who cry at your wedding because they are happy or because they are proud.
They are the people who stop you from making mistakes and help you when you do. They are are the people whose hand you can hold, or you can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward because they understand the things you do and they love you for them.
They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life is not the same without them....
Friend And Acquaintance by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown
There is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a friend. An acquaintance is someone whose name you know, who you see every now and then, who you probably have something in common with and who you feel comfortable around.
It's a person that you can invite to your home and share things with. But they are people who you don't share your life with, whose actions sometimes you don't understand because you don't know enough about them.
On the other hand, a friend is someone you love. Not that you are "in love" with them, but you care about them and you think about them when they are not there. The people you are reminded of when you see something they might like, and you know this because you know them so well. They are the people whose pictures you have and whose faces are in your head regardless.
Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a friend doesn't need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen.
Friends are the people who won't laugh at you or hurt you, and if they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realize it.
Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They are the people that when you hug them, you don't think about how long to hug and who's going to be the first one to let go.
Maybe they are the people that hold the rings at your wedding, or maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding, or maybe they are the people you marry. Maybe they are the people who cry at your wedding because they are happy or because they are proud.
They are the people who stop you from making mistakes and help you when you do. They are are the people whose hand you can hold, or you can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward because they understand the things you do and they love you for them.
They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life is not the same without them....
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Shortcuts in Life....
Funny but true...
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don'tseem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment,I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by.Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away,this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOME ONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want la...
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom. I have to stop you there. I understand where are you coming from, but I really have to disagree withwhat u said about the issue
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be a little bit of apredicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die la!!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happen? Why like that?
WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This is n't the way to do it. Here let me show you..
Malaysians: Like that also duno how to do..
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians: Chilaka you!!!
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don'tseem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment,I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by.Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away,this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOME ONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want la...
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom. I have to stop you there. I understand where are you coming from, but I really have to disagree withwhat u said about the issue
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be a little bit of apredicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die la!!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happen? Why like that?
WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This is n't the way to do it. Here let me show you..
Malaysians: Like that also duno how to do..
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians: Chilaka you!!!
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