Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Men are Just Happier People

Nicknames
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-Eyes.

Eating Out
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20 even though the total is only for $32.50... None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but is on sale.

Bathrooms
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 200 of these items.

Arguments
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Cats
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Future
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does.

Dressing Up
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Natural
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Offspring
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Thought for the Day
A married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Sick Leave...

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'crazy' he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises....

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her I was pretending to be a light bulb so the Boss might think I was 'crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What on earth are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb...

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her... "And where do you think you're going?!"

(You're gonna love this.... )

She said, "I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark".

Shamus and Murphy

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them. They could only raise a staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said, "Hang on, I have an idea."

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. Shamus said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!". Murphy repled, "Don't worry, just follow me."

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky. Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't any money!!"

Murphy replied with a smile, "Don't worry I have a plan. Cheers!"

They downed their drinks and Murphy said, "Ok, I'll stick the sausage in through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth." The barman noticed them, went berserk and threw them out.

They continued this pub after pub getting more and more drunk all for free. At the tenth pub Shamus said, "Murphy, I don't think I can do anymore of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin me!"

Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in."

Men's Logic

A man and his wife were in a court for their divorce case....The problem was who should get custody of the child.

The wife screamed and jumped up saying, "Your Honor, I brought the child into the world with all the pain and labor. The child should be in my custody."

The judge turned to the husband and said, "What do you have to say in your defense?"

The man sat for a while contemplating.... then slowly rose. "Your Honor, if I put a dollar in a Pepsi vending machine and a can of Pepsi comes out... whose Pepsi is it?? The machine's or mine?"

Embarassing Medical Exams

Story 1

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!". I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs --- and I was in the wrong one.
(submitted by Dr.Mark MacDonald, San Francisco)

Story 2

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths", I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
(submitted by Dr Richard Byrnes, Seattle WA)

Story 3

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart".
(submitted by Dr.Susan Steinberg)

Story 4

During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch...the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and not I'm running out of places to put it!". I had quickly undressed him and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying the new one.
(submitted by Dr.Rebecca St.Clair, Norfolk VA)

Story 5

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive."
(submitted by Dr.Steven Swanson-Corvallis OR)

Story 6

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" " It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packed labeled "KY Jelly".
(submitted by Dr.Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit MI)

Story 7

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read "Keep of the Grass". Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing which said "Sorry had to mow the lawn"
(submitted by anonymous)

Story 8

As a new young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry, was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Weiner'
(submitted by anonymous)

When cigarettes become too expensive......hmmmm.........

The "Middle Wife"

Here is a story a friend sent me on how a 2nd Grade student (Std 2 in M'sia.. I think) describes the birth of her baby brother. Her teacher repeats the story...

Take a read:

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch... stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it into school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl Erica who is a very bright and very outgoing kid takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday".

"First mum and dad made him as a symbol of their love. Dad put a seed in my mum's stomach and Luke grew in there. He are for nine months through and umbrella cord". She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then about two Saturdays ago, my mum starts saying and going Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!". Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for like an hour going Oh, Oh, Oh! My dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my mum to lie down in bed like this". Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then pop! My mum had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheewww!" This kid had her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!!

"Then the middle wife starts saying Push! Push! and Breathe! Breathe! They started counting but never even got past ten. Then all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from mum's play-centre, so there must be a lot of toys inside there".

Then Erica stood up and took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along....

The Office Song

This song is specially dedicated to all my working friends out there especially Daniel who is currently undergoing a slight 'under-current' from his work environment.

Hang in there my friend and enjoy!!

Why God Made Mothers....

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions....

Why did God make Mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make Mothers?

1. He used dirt just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredient are Mothers made of?

1. God made mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab

of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your Mother and not some other Mum?

1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mum?

1. My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mum need to know about Dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mum marry your Dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a clot.

2. Mum. You can tell by room inspections.... she sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between mums and dads?

1. Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2. Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller and stronger but mums have all the real power cause that's who you got to ask

if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

What does your mum do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mum, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my Mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

How to Be an Idiot in 5 seconds....

Why I Didn't Make it to the Olympics...

Dear Diary....

Dear Diary,

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bob. today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Bear 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn;t have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to bear the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.

Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Bob happen to bring a frend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad.

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash throughly before steaming rice." So I heated some watter and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Thursday: Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss in a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the garden by my mom's. So I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there one hour so the dog would not take it. Bob came over and asked if I felt all right... I wonder why?

Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, right over to my mom's hourse. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday: Bob went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found a doll dress and some little shoes. I thought the hen looked real cute. When Bob saw it, I wondered why he counted to 10.

Sunday: Today Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all we had in the icebox was hamburgers. So i put it in the oven and set the controls for roast. Must the oven, because it still came out as hamburgers.

Good night Dear Diary. This has been an exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come, so I can try a new recipe on Bob.

To Laugh or Not to Laugh?

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work , as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament :

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son....

Dear Pop,

Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son....

Dear Pop,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, Vinnie

You Gotta Love the Irish!!

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!' Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

*****************

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' The man said, 'I do, Father.' The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.' Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' 'Certainly, Father,' was the man's reply. 'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, 'Do you want to go to heaven?' O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.' The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?' O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

*****************

Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

*****************

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. 'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!' 'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

*****************

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?' 'Just water,' says the priest. The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?' The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

*****************

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?' 'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees. 'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?' She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

*****************

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room. She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?' Flynn said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?' 'Well,' Mary said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Men Never Listen....

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied.

A nurse noticed his predicament. "Sir", she said.. "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised no to touch! Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if the touched them?

He couldn't resist... he pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling he thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.

A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scrent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is a place of tender loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed it's course, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy. As soon as he did, he was immediately knocked out by an excruciating pain.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. " The last thing I remembered was pushing the ATR button".

The nurse answered, " The ATR buttons stands for Automatic Tampon Remover. Your testicles are now in this jar, sir".

MEN NEVER LISTEN, DO THEY?

Jokes to Start the Week with...

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?' Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testiclesin the other.Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?

******************************

SuperBowl Seat

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asked the man if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he said, "the seat is empty". "This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl , the biggest sport event in the world, and not use it ?"

Somberly, the man says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got married in 1967." "Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head, "No. They're all at the funeral....

Baby Sitter??

Well my friends, ain't this cute??? Saves one loads on cds doesn't it??? Heheheheheh!!

I Love My Job!!!!

If you don`t laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma!

This is even funnier when you realize it`s real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.....

Hi Sue, just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you`ve been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it`s not so bad after all . Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.

As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It`s a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial> water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I`ve used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It`s like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don`t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn`t stick to it, however, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator.

His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn`t poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, next time you`re having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job." Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day!!!!!