Laughter is the best Medicine....

The Jewish Chinese Drycleaner

Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist from the Midwest was enjoying the artistry of all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners when he turned a corner and saw a building with the sign "Moishe Plotnik's Laundry." "Moishe Plotnik?" he wondered. "How does that belong in Chinatown?"

He walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking dry cleaner, although he could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the store name as there were baseball hats, T-shirts and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry." The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office.

Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who thanked him for his purchase. The tourist asked, "Can you explain how this place got a name like 'Moishe Plotnik's Laundry?'The old man answered, "Ah...Evleebody ask me that. It name of owner."Looking around, the tourist asked, "Is he here?" "It me," replies the old man. "Really? You're Chinese. How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?" "Is simple", said the old man.

Many, many year ago I come to this country. I standing in line at 'Documentation Center of Immigration.' Man in front of me was Jewish man from Poland. Lady at counter look at him and say, "What your name?" He say, "Moishe Plotnik." Then she look at me and say, "What your name?" I say, "Sam Ting."

Middle Eastern Conflict

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke." "Don't worry about it," said the Jew. "I'll get it for you."

While he is gone the Arab picks up the Jew's shoe and spits in it. The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, "That looks good. Think I'll have one too." Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it.

The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples...this hatred... this spitting in shoes...and blowing noses in Cokes?"

The Accidental Clergy

A rabbi and a priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly, neither of the clerics has a scratch on him. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!"

Pointing to the sky, the rabbi continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth." The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!" The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this! Here's another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of Mogen David wine did not break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune."

The priest nods in agreement. The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest. The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?" The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."

The Lie Clock

After a long life, and a tumultuous marriage, Stan Herman dies and arrives at the Gates of Heaven, where he sees a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asks an angel, "What are all those clocks?" The angel answers, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," says Herman, "whose clock is that?" "That's Moses' clock. The hands have never moved, indicating that he never told a lie." "Incredible," says Herman. "And whose clock is that one?" The angel responds, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"So where's my clock?" asks Herman. "Your clock is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

You Are What You Eat

An old Jew lives in an apartment building in an otherwise Catholic neighborhood where all adhere to the restriction of eating only fish on Fridays. Every Friday afternoon, however, the Jew bakes chicken for his Shabbos meal.

The tantalizing aroma week after week is too much for his Catholic neighbors. They convince the local priest to deliver an ultimatum to the Jew: either he convert to Catholicism and eat only fish on Fridays, or he has to move. The Jew agrees to convert. Three times the priest sprinkles holy water on him declaring: "Born a Jew, raised a Jew, now a Catholic."

The ex-Jew's first Friday night as a Catholic comes around -- and the perfume of baking chicken wafts through the neighborhood. A neighborhood mob charges into the old man's apartment demanding, "What's with the chicken? You're a Catholic now!"

He says, pointing to the roaster on the table, "That's no chicken; that's a fish." "Who are you kidding!" they protest. "It's a chicken!" The ex-Jew walks over to the sink, wets his hands, approaches the table and sprinkles the chicken three times, saying, "Born a chicken, raised a chicken, now a fish!"